Back & Forth

*sigh* As much as I want to be better at it, I royally SUCK at being a girly girl. At least when it comes to things that involve me being center of attention. I can throw a hell of a party for someone else, do gorgeous hair and makeup on others, help somebody else plan a bang-up wedding on a budget, and make a little girl feel like a princess for a day…but when it comes to me, I bomb.

So I’m supposed to be planning this wedding. I can “pin” like crazy; different ideas and inspirations are great. But actually putting things together is daunting. I’m just starting to go back and forth. Part of me wants to elope; another part wants the ceremony to share with family and friends. Part of me wants the big wedding party, another wants just me and my future mister to have a friend or two on either side of us and an audience of whoever. I’ve asked 8 bridesmaids…and i love them all. But I wonder if it wouldn’t be simpler for them to not have to worry about the dress and being there all day for pics (most have little ones and I hate to be an inconvenience). I feel like there are some hurt feelings about not being asked to be an “of honor” by some. I just don’t know. I’m in the air about colors, flowers, bridesmaid dresses, MY dress, guest list…

One thing I DO know is that pictures mean the world to me. I have a friend who offered to do my pictures for a wedding gift. And I will probably take her up on that offer. However, I want my friends and family to just be able to enjoy the party, be stress free, and not have obligations. I don’t want to order a friend around and tell them what I want (because, since I am a nut about pictures and I do weddings myself, I am INCREDIBLY demanding and I know this). So I’m debating whether to just save the money (tax return!) and hire a photographer. I’m just not sure.

But I AM sure that I love Mr. Badass more than anything. I am positive that he feels the same about me, and that we’re absolutely right for each other. I know, without a doubt, that we will have a blast together for the rest of at least one of our lives and I cannot wait to be his “Mrs. Badass”.

Plans

So, after yesterday’s post of a vent, I thought about a more light hearted subject for today:

Wedding Plans.

Well, we got engaged and we know about when we want to get married (end of summer/early fall 2013<—-edit NOT 2012 DUH).  Beyond that, I have a lot of ideas but nothing set in stone.  My first decision is do we have a ceremony/reception/party, or do we just go to the courthouse and be done with it?  Some people might say the second idea is better, considering it is my second wedding.  I could see their point, honestly.  But I think there is also something real to be celebrated with a marriage.  I feel like there is joy to have and to be shared and so why not at least have some kind of a shin-dig, right?  So I’ve decided that I’m not the “two-witnesses-and-a-judge” kind of gal.  So what kind of gal am I?

I’ve had to go through a lot of this-or-that in my head.  If its decided that we’ll have a party of sorts, do we do traditional with a big dress and a preacher and all the pomp & circumstance of a “regular” or traditional wedding?  Bridesmaids and all that?  In a big church and a fancy reception hall?  I don’t think that’s really my style.  I think I’d like something more intimate, outside, significant family and friends there.  As for a wedding party, I’d like our bridesmaids and groomsmen to be people who are a part of our lives.  At least people who keep in good contact with us and who we talk to on a regular basis other than birthdays and holidays.  That makes for some hard decisions because there are some people I feel like expect to be a part of things but I’m not really that close to them anymore.  My first wedding had a lot of bridesmaids & groomsmen, and only a couple do I really even consider myself close to (or even friends with) anymore.

Along those same lines I’ve wondered about attire and how “formal” our party would be.  I kind of wonder if it wouldn’t just be more “Mr. Badass & Me” style to have the people we want up there, dressed how they want to be dressed.  I am not psycho about matching, or about absolute perfection.  Not to mention, Mr. Badass isn’t ‘exactly the tuxedo wearing type, although I did go to 2 proms with him and he looked damn good in a Zoot Suit back in the day!  He’s more of a dark jeans with KSWISS sneakers and a black button up with maybe a vest or suit jacket on top.  His most definite preference is that nothing takes away from his beard.  HA!  (its the truth—he’s pretty proud of it!)  I’d like to be in an ivory dress.  Something flattering and romantic.  But I’m also poor lol.  So I might just be in sweats.

Ahhhh.  I know its far away.  But I just like to know things are done, or at least thought through.  I have definite goals and am trying to keep things very low cost.  The only thing that TRULY matters to me is that there are some great pictures to document the day.  I am very blessed by a good friend who has volunteered to take all the photos that day.  And the coolest part is, I get them at the end of the day to edit and change as I please.  YESSS!  I’ll also have my little brother running around doing some photo-journalistic shots.  And anybody else who will share pictures will have their arms twisted.  🙂  I just am very excited to be Mrs. Badass!!

“A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.” –Helen Rowland
(LOL)